Zero Expectations Runs

Hello runners!

Have you been running? Have your runs been good? Bad? Frustrating? Liberating? No matter where you’re at on your running journey, no run is ever quite the same. For the past month my runs have been what I would consider “mediocre”. A few weeks ago I talked about how I felt like I was getting worse. My times were slower, runs were shorter, injuries were popping up and I just didn’t have the same drive as before.

What I didn’t realize is that maybe my body was telling me that I needed to back off a little. Get worse in order to get better. I kept getting a stitch in my side EVERY time I ran and I was so focused on NOT getting a stitch that I it was almost like a manifested the stitch! I so badly wanted to improve with every run and felt like I was doing the opposite. But here’s the thing. We DO improve with every run. A whole month of “bad” runs will set us up for better runs in the future.

Last week I decided to give zero fucks. I had no expectations. I wasn’t going to go fast or slow or long or short. I decided that as long as it wasn’t raining and my body felt capable, I would run 5k. Any kind of 5k. If I felt like running longer, great! If I got a cramp? Walk it off! I put ZERO expectations on myself other than JUST SHOW UP.

Guess what? I HAD GREAT RUNS. For the first time in a while I didn’t get a stitch in my side. I ran my fastest 5K! I did have massive period cramps one day BUT running actually helped. Running can be healing if you allow it to be.

Here are some tips for your “give zero fucks” runs.

  1. Find a playlist/album you like and stick to it. When I’m farting around trying to change songs during a run it really takes me out of it. My breathing gets all messed up and I get crampy and annoyed. Let the playlist guide you.
  2. Don’t worry about your speed. The day I ran my fastest 5K I had no intention of breaking any kind of record. I just let my body and my Kyle Minogue playlist guide me!
  3. Try walking for at least 5 minutes before you start running. I always warm up, but on the days where I do more walking before a run, the run is always better!
  4. Be okay with whatever happens during your run. Be gentle with yourself. Yes, it’s good to push yourself and have goals but you won’t get better by beating yourself up.
  5. Switch up your route. The same route is boring! and you start to anticipate markers along the way. Like, “Ok, the bridge is the halfway point and and I’m not even at that big ugly tree yet and oh god this run is taking forever”. New environments will take you out of your head.
  6. Try tea instead of coffee! If you need caffeine in the morning (hi!!!) then just for fun, try something other than coffee. I had matcha tea before a few of my runs and they felt great. And then I had coffee as a treat AFTER my run. It’s a win win! (just don’t drink matcha or green tea on an empty stomach because you will feel like you have to barf/shit.)
  7. Ignore everything I’ve said and run however the fuck you want. You know yourself better than I do!

And that’s it folks! That’s the blog! This week just get out there and don’t put any pressure on yourself. As long as your legs are moving, you’re doing it right. Then next week you can go back to you interval or speed training if you want. But for now, try to give zero fucks and just ruuuuun.

I’ve got the runs and I hope you do too!

Published by EatThisAndShutUp

I'm a comedian, actor, writer, amateur chef and professional eater. Host of "Viral Kitchen" on YouTube!

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